Ack. I could feel it stirring. Again.

That inner angst that comes from looking too far ahead into the future…. questions without answers, possibilities without perspective, problems without a game plan.

Most days there is so much flurry in the here-and-now that I have no time or energy to think much further than the menu plan for the week or who is going where and when I need to have them there. But, in reality, if I let myself dwell on these thoughts, I could really get myself worked up into a dither. Who will care for Kezia when we can’t? What if government support is not enough – how will she be cared for financially? What if we can’t find a suitable housing arrangement for her? What if we enrol her in a program that slowly erodes her life and energy rather than building her up? Who will be her companions?  So many questions.

When I am tempted to look ahead….

…. I look to the past.

When I see these pictures, I can still feel the anxiety that lurked beneath my smile. Oh,  if only I could go back and tell myself one thing, ONE THING, so that I could enjoy those days more, waste less time in stress, sleep better at night ;), it would be this:

God has got this – it’s going to be okay.

Breathing. That doesn’t mean there won’t be challenges, or heartaches or things we need to press through. Those things will come …. but those things won’t define us, won’t steal from us the joy and blessing of this journey. Because of God’s grace and His promise of wisdom and perspective when we need it, we will learn and grow through these things.

And these days, I try to remember that. If I could go back and tell myself this one thing…. I can remind myself of that now. And sometimes, when I have a hard time remembering, God places precious people in my life, right here and now, to whisper to me:

God has got this – it’s going to be okay.

…. I look to the future.

Resting in God now does not mean we neglect to plan for the future. We do. I am married to a fantastic, conscientious man who is all things thorough and practical. Planning ahead and thinking things through is hard-wired into his DNA. And AGAIN, just this week, I told him how much I appreciate and learn from his attention to detail.

Just as it is with any one of our kids, there is no way we can write their story for them. But that doesn’t mean we just sit back and let it all unfold. As parents, we do our best to train their hearts and teach their minds and strengthen their soul for the life ahead. And we do some very practical planning.

For Kezia, we have thought ahead a bit. What are some of the challenges she might face? What can we build into our lives now to make those situations easier?

We have started an RDSP for her. There is no way of knowing what financial support will be available as she needs it. This is one way we can start to save for her future – and with the programs that are available at this time, saving gets a little easier!

We have thought about where she might live. We considered this a lot when we had our home built. We decided on a floor plan that had all our bedrooms on one floor. We felt like it would be a long time before Kezia was ready to move into a basement bedroom, and rather than being separated from her sisters (who would probably love a basement bedroom eventually :)…) we opted to have bedrooms close together. (It also saves on how much running I have to do in the night, and eventually they will probably outgrow that too, but not too sure when!!) We also had a living space roughed into our basement. Maybe it will be necessary, maybe not. But the floor plan we had drafted would accommodate a basement suite if that was the best option.

We have spent many hours invested in therapy. Just because learning doesn’t come easily is not an indication that in can’t be learned. I have spent hours researching learning strategies – some have been helpful, some we have not seen the desired results yet. Always we are learning together.

And we invest in long-term relationships. What could be more life-giving then spending time together with people who have known you since you were born and accept you as you are? Spending time together now refreshes us and teaches us the value of maintaining relationships even when it takes time or effort to do so.

… most important, I look up.

God has got this – it’s going to be okay.

Their Heavenly Father loves these children even more than we do! And when the hard things happen, and it is so very tempting to feel discouraged and defeated, remembering this Love is what keeps me grounded.

 

There are still times when I am tempted to fret about what is to come. And yet, slowly, I am learning to let that go.